“All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of the minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible.” - T.E. Lawrence
Dangerous men. I started this month with a huge dream- to hit a rank in my company that I’ve wanted to hit since this time last year. The dream was huge and the goal was bigger than myself. I knew it would take dangerous things. I knew it would take more work than I had ever done in my life. I knew it would take more out of me and require more of me than I had ever given. But I also told my team that I was “big with belief” and “pregnant with purpose”. I just knew we could do it. My team hit that goal last week and I’ve been reflecting. I’ve been thinking about last month and the magic of it. And I wanted to write it all down so I wouldn’t forget. This is not some treatise on the ins and outs of hitting your goal. It’s just my experience and the things I want to remember for myself. Because there will be other goals. There will be bigger dreams and higher things I want to reach.
I started this month and I worked from the very first day like it was the last day of the month. I busted my butt on November 1st like it was November 30th and it was the last few hours. I talked to more people, put myself out there more, learned more in the first few days of the month than I ever have. It was exhausting. I was literally pouring myself into bed each night. I had nothing left. I had talked, typed, photographed, scanned. I had done it all. And I was loving it. I was more in tune with my downline and my friends than I had ever been. We were strategizing, praying, encouraging on November 15th like it was the very last day of the month.
There were two days when I wasn’t sure if I would do it or not. Those were horrible days. I’ve never given birth but I imagine it was like what people describe as the ring of fire. Like you know you’re getting ready to push something huge out, like you’re getting ready to birth something amazing and miraculous. You’ve worked so hard but you also know you are not in control. Something bigger than you is in control and all you can do it ride the wave. I hated those days. I was snappy and emotional and I yelled at my husband over stupid mistakes. It didn’t help that my period came in those days and Thanksgiving fell in those days. Again, things I had no control over. All I could do was just ride it out.
When things happened and it was clear it was going to happen, it happened so fast. Again, I haven’t given birth but I imagine it’s the same. When you reach that point, there is no going back. The wave is strong and its heading this way- you just ride it. Those last few hours until I finally hit were just like that. I knew it was happening. I could see it. It was amazing but I still was not in control. I couldn’t slow it down or speed it up. All I could do was wait and watch.
When we hit GOLD, I was at a therapy appointment with my son. It was an ordinary thing, except it wasn’t. I walked out to my phone literally BLOWING UP with notifications and alerts. Something amazing had happened and I had completely missed the actual changing over. That’s the same way it happened last time I hit a huge goal. It’s like my whole career trajectory has been this story of “I know you think it’s about the goal, but it’s really about the “you” you are becoming in getting to the goal”. The me I am becoming is a mom who is more empowered to seek out other resources for my children. I am more empowered than ever to do what is right for them and to ask questions and seek help. Toby has some things he needs help with. If our story was different, he probably would be medicated by now. I really believe that. But this career gives me the luxury of observing him, of stopping and waiting and learning to see him and not his behavior. There’s this sign in his therapist office that says “Feed the roots, not the leaves.” The leaves are Toby’s behaviors. The roots are that he needs vestibular and proprioceptive input. He needs those. So we’re seeking out ways to give him what he needs and I missed seeing that G pop up next to my name because I was learning more about that.
I’m ready to keep running. I hit my goal yesterday morning but I was still working yesterday evening because my friends are still chasing down their goals. My friends are not done yet and the great part about being a team is that I am invested in their goals too. I want them to win and I want their families to have freedom. I want them to be dangerous men and dream dreams in the day. I want all of these things for them.
Let’s be dangerous men, friends. Let’s stare down the fear and win. Let’s do the thing they said we’d never do. And let’s do it with grace and ease. Let’s do it together.